Thursday, March 5, 2009

Do you really mean that?

“It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.”
~Henry Louis Mencken

I don't care who you are; this has happened to you. You look at your friend and think, "I bet they're lying about that." I've had many instances where I think the other party is lying because it would be so difficult to be truthful in that circumstance.

One of my friends and I were having a pretty serious conversation the other day. We were asking how the other felt about the topic and I have to admit it was hard to believe my friend. I know her well enough that her answer didn't match up with what I knew she was like. But, she insisted she wasn't lying and I chose to believe her.

I think not many people are willing to see past their own ideas, and just believe the other person. It's hard. I know I would want to just make light of the situation or fudge on the answer a little bit. But, I have to believe that my friend was being truthful. I trust her enough to believe her over my own feelings.

It is so key in relationships to believe the other person. I will admit I have not been completely honest about my feelings at times. So I know that it is very easy to lie about your answers. It is easy to lie about your feelings on topics or arguments. It takes hard work to purpose to believe what you feel is untrue.

I have had friends who would look me in the eye and say, " ok, why aren't you being honest anymore?" I guess I reach a point where I give 'pat-answers', answers that are generic and not heartfelt. And I know that there are times they purpose to take me at my word. I do the same for them.

Basically, it is a choice whether or not you will believe one another. It is harder to choose to believe when you would lie in their place, but in the long run it helps your relationships grow stronger.


  1. I have to agree that honesty is really important in a relationship, but yes, trust is important too. You need to be able to believe what the other person is saying. You also need to be comfortable in confronting the other person when you know that they are not being truthful. I know many times I have had people lie right to my face. I just had to accept what they were saying and try to make the best of the situation. I tend to just not give my opinions on things. While this is not being dishonest, it still is not being totally truthful. Something could really be bothering me, and the other person would never know.

  2. I also truly agree with this. What I also feel like many people and friends do is give you half-answers to questions--ones that satisfy the "requirements" of the question, but do not go into any detail whatsoever as to not give anything personal away, specifically if they wish the question hadn't been asked in the first place. What I have found frustrating is when someone leaves out part of the story purposefully just to make themselves look better.